Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Thoughts on a Wednesday Morning

It's been a year since I posted a blog entry!

Did I miss writing a blog? Have I been occupied with life? Do I want to say something?

The truth is this: I'm sitting next to my 22 month old daughter as she pounds the kitchen table with two toys and I'm more worried about what she's about to do than if I can finish this sentence with any clarity. Katie is a pip and a half and more able to get into trouble than ever before. Case in point, she just tried to climb onto the very same table she's hitting. I got her off the chair she stood on and now she's climbing up the stairs. This is too much. I need a vacation!

I'd like to write a book but my life as the stay at home dad just makes that task too daunting. I know it's my loss and it will be a regret I'll always have. Finding time for me just comes with too many holes to fill for everyone else. If my life came to an end suddenly, I'm not stupid enough to believe that the world around me would crumble. I just feel that everyone who matters to me needs me to be me more than they need me to be a writer. In other words, I don't think my writing will make the world better for anyone else.

No pity party is intended by this. The life I chose for myself came with parameters I understood and accepted. I made a vow to do this job and I take integrity seriously. I know many other folks look at life's responsibilities as a series of plastic bags; convenient to throw away as soon as they're not needed. I don't share that view and quite frankly, I find it disturbing. It's also a lifestyle that makes me angry.

A bunch of life events have hit me at once and to not think of them is challenging. My daughters are amazingly able to keep me focused on them (they rarely leave me alone) and the worries I have about life manifest themselves in pre-sleep visions as I lay my head down at night. I'll write these all down at some point but even now, Katie is tearing up the playroom and I have that sixth sense telling me she's about to set the house on fire or at the very least give herself a boo boo. Once again, my world interferes with blogging. This sounds way too familiar.

I don't know if my next entry will come in 2014, but I'd like to think I can crank these out more frequently. If, when, where, and why are questions needing to be answered first. Well, right after I change the diaper that's hanging so close to the ground I'm amazed that Katie isn't using it in conjunction with her legs as a tripod.

Later. I think.