The Evolution of Pick-up Lines

"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I next to each other."

"Would you please grab my arm so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel?"

"There is something wrong with my cell phone. It doesn't have your number in it."

"Do you mind turning your engine off so I don't suck in fumes for the next 30 minutes?"


Uh.....OK. I think my use of a pick up line went awry somewhere. The first 3 don't even sound familiar anymore but #4 sure does. In fact, there's a few that I could use as I wait in line to get my girls each day from school:


"Excuse me, Mr. I've Never Been Here Before, you need to pull your car ahead when the guy in front of you moves forward. They don't deliver kids to you way back here."

"Hello Ms. Nationality I Can't Easily Determine Based on Your Dialect, you are supposed to stay in your vehicle until the teachers bring your child to you. That's been the policy since day 1 and you need to adhere to it even if you aren't American."

"Pardon me, didn't you read the policy that says that you CAN NOT park on the side of the building to go get your kids? Yes, it is a very dangerous spot to move away from and you've almost hit me three times this year because you can't see the car coming from around the corner. That's why this is clearly marked a NO PARKING ZONE!"

"Hey Mr. I'm the Baby Daddy, I'm talking to you but you can't hear me because the music coming from your car is obnoxiously loud. Are you trying to distract the Kindergarten Class that's 25 feet from you on the other side of that window? I doubt all 5 year olds listen to gangsta rap so maybe you could just get an i-pod and keep the crap you're currently blaring in a school zone to yourself."

"Hi. I don't think we've met before but let me just tell you that it's OK to open your windows when it's 74 degrees outside and let some fresh air in. I think you might want to save the freon in your vehicle for when it's over 90 degrees, which as we all know in Dallas, will be here soon enough. Idling your car for the past 45 minutes wasn't good for the environment, fuel conservation, or quality of the air I just had to breathe. Now just turn off your engine and keep open your damn windows!"

You know that time has passed you by when recognition of a phrase has completely changed in your mind. I'm not saying that I'm old, but at 41, the term "pick-up line" involves now a lot less entertainment and much more responsibility. If I ever get to the point where I witness a pick up line being used in a pick up line, I'll let you know. My guess is that it'll happen with the variety of people I get to wait with each afternoon. They're lawless but interesting at least.