Once a Moron, Always a Moron

I have a neighbor who can't help being who he is. What is he you ask? Let me make a list.

He is:
1. unmarried
2. 46 years old
3. 6'5" and 270 lbs
4. observably promiscuous
5. usually naked
6. oblivious to the fact that he lives in a residential neighborhood with a family of four next door.

On top of that, I would say without a doubt, that he is mostly:
7. a moron

Moron is defined as "a person who is notably stupid or lacking in good judgment". Considering we have a decade of experiences living next to him to draw from, I think you couldn't define this dude any better.

If moronic isn't the right adjective, you could say that he simply doesn't understand what I have repeatedly told him for the last 10 years; we are his NEIGHBORS. To be neighborly would imply being good natured, helpful, or friendly. Sometimes the guy next door has been just that. The problem is that I have to repeatedly knock on his door to get him to quit acting like a hormonally imbalanced teenager whose parents are gone for the weekend. Most of the problems he causes involve an abuse of alcohol and a lack of awareness. There are some though that just come from out of the blue.

The latest event that is fueling this blog entry just happened today. Sitting in the kitchen and paying the bills, I heard a truck slowly move back and forth in the alley behind my house. Since this is a rare happening, I ran upstairs to get a better look out of the bedroom window. I quickly and shockingly discovered that the truck was not in the alley like I thought. It was maneuvering back and forth on my side yard.

As fast as I could grab a crow bar and open the door, I popped outside only to find that Mr. Moron was right there leading his friend onto my yard (grass covered, expensive irrigation system underneath) so that he could use the truck to help trim his 40 foot illegal palm tree; the same one he already had trimmed a month ago by licensed professionals.

"What the hell are you doing??" I shouted. Beyond pissed, I walked over to my neighbor and almost broke his neck with the crowbar. (Not really, but I did wave it around and he got the message.)

The driver of the truck backed off my property and the moronic neighbor got an earful. Who the hell just tells someone to drive onto his neighbor's property? I asked Mr. Moron that and after a number of apologies and the offer to replace the deep tire tracks with new soil, I ran my sprinklers to determine how many heads the truck drove over. Gladly, and luckily for my neighbor, there were none.

I try to look for the good in a person or situation; it was how I was raised to be. But how can anyone accept the consistent stupidity of another? Let's be honest, I have enough problems already without this constant nonsense. My life doesn't need other distraction.

The moron next door clearly got my message and now I'm waiting to see what he's going to do next. After he repairs the damage to my lawn there will almost certainly be a period in which he will try desperately to avoid contact with me and especially my wife (he's afraid of her), and then he will eventually resume being the person he always is. After living next door to him this long, there is adequate proof to show that sadly, he will always be a moron.

What I should do to retaliate will be the subject of another blog. I have to go make sure that the truck isn't on my front lawn now.